My burnout phase taught me that being able to show vulnerability is a strength. 

Many would say it is a weakness, but today, I strongly believe it is empowering. It is easy to portray a perfect life (whatever perfect may mean). But how many people have the courage to actually remove their masks and allow themselves to just be as they truly are?

In the end, we all have our moments where we just want to slam the door and cry or scream; we all have our moments when we only want to be hugged and feel love.

Today, I choose to share with you my burnout story. What it looked like for me, how it felt, and how I managed to break through and become a highly upgraded version of myself. It is the first time I share this story publicly. For me, this is an act of courage.

This is the phase of my life that led me to build the Burnout Breakthrough Program. Who would I be preaching about burnout if I didn’t share my own story?

Here we go… 

A few years ago, I experienced burnout. I was in the last phase of burnout and in complete denial. As an extreme perfectionist back then, I couldn’t admit that I was going through burnout. I would just tell myself that I needed to try harder because the results were not good enough. Regardless of working 13-14 hours per day plus weekends and being a top performer, it still wasn’t good enough for me. I kept saying yes to everything and taking more and more tasks on my plate. I was your “YES woman”.

By all means, I loved my job. I enjoyed it so much that it became my whole life. No time for myself, no hobbies, barely any time for my loved ones, just work. And for me, it still felt perfectly normal and the right approach. I remember how many times my sister used to tell me that she couldn’t understand me and that it wasn’t normal. And I remember how many times I would be shocked that she finished her job at 5 PM and found it normal.

The worst thing is that you start having these expectations from others as well. At that stage, I managed large teams and projects across the world. My standards were so high, I was putting so much pressure on myself, that it started to be more and more reflected on the outside as well. Because we always mirror outside what is inside. Thus, I had a period when I expanded my perfectionism and pressure to my teams as well and had huge expectations. Unfortunately, when you get to that stage, you just don’t realize it anymore. It seems like all others don’t care, don’t do their best to achieve at the highest standards. And you start putting more pressure. And imagine that the pressure you put on the outside and people see, you put it 10 times more on yourself, and this is something people don’t see and you don’t realize because you just don’t talk about it. You get to a point where you start to blame others, when you get defensive.

I reached such a stage of tiredness that I was just exhausted. It would take me 30 minutes to write an email which normally I would do in 5 minutes. I felt anxiety, constantly dreaming about work at night, and waking up in the morning without any energy, wondering if I actually slept or not that night. During the day, I felt drained of energy and just couldn’t stop thinking about work. I wouldn’t do anything for myself, no workout and eating super messy. And then, of course, the body started to react: I had insane headaches (I never have headaches), I couldn’t see properly, and I would see blurry (my eyes were and still are today perfectly healthy). And what I am just going to say now is what finally triggered me to go see a doctor: I started to feel constantly dizzy and sometimes had to walk next to the wall to not fall.

And so I finally went to see the doctor. In the first 5 minutes, we started to talk, he told me that I was in Burnout and I had to take a break right away. I looked at him, of course, I didn’t agree. 

He asked me, “What do you want us to do then?” 

 

I answered, “Some blood tests.” 

 

He said fine. I did them. I remember it was a Monday when I went for the results, and he looked at me and said, “The results are perfect. You are in Burnout. From this moment, you are going on medical leave.” 

 

I looked at him, and my reaction was, “But I have meetings, I have projects to work on, I can’t go.” 

 

He looked at me, purely shocked (I wish I had a picture), and said, “You don’t understand. It’s either this or you end up in a hospital.” 

I was still not convinced and started to negotiate: “I have an important business review on Thursday, I need to finish it. Afterwards, I go.” 

This is when he realized he had no chance and said, “Thursday is your last day. And starting from this moment, not even 30 minutes of overtime.” 

I finally agreed. We had the deal. I worked only until Thursday and then went on medical leave for a few weeks.

Burnout shouldn’t be taken lightly by any means. From burnout to depression is just a small step. Luckily, I took action although super last minute.

I took the time to rest. I remember that is what I was doing the most. 

Then I started to go out, take walks in nature, at the beach. 

I started to read again.

 I started to get in touch more often and see my loved ones. 

I started to workout again, to be back on track with healthy home-cooked food.

 I started to do the things I used to love, my hobbies. 

I was just step by step becoming myself again.

For me, it was clear that I needed to make a full change to avoid getting back where I was. And I knew that I needed to return to work to put it into practice because otherwise, they were just thoughts.

When I returned, I actually asked to return. 

I felt fear. I remember talking about it and saying that I am afraid to return in order to not end up again where I was, but I also said it is the only way to change patterns. And I knew that I had no choice but to change those patterns and to set boundaries.

Thus, firstly, I made it clear to myself what my boundaries are, how my working style will look from now on, and what my non-negotiables are. Both personally and professionally. And I knew that the only way to succeed was to stick to them and to stay true to myself.

Secondly, when I returned to work, I communicated my boundaries (and no, it wasn’t easy) and I started to stick to them. 

Then, I felt guilty, very guilty. And this guilt stayed with me for around 6 months. It was guilt of not working extra, guilt towards my team. It was an ongoing internal dialogue, but I knew if by any means, I am giving up, I am back to where I was.

It made me be more caring with those around me and this was because I was first more caring with myself. I started to value work-life balance, and I supported everyone who would like to improve it. 

It was still hard to see others around me struggle and I had to remind myself that only when someone decides to make a change and takes action towards it, the change can happen for themselves. 

And slowly the guilt started to decrease until it faded away. While I continued to stay true to myself, to my boundaries, my non-negotiables and adding flexibility ongoing.

Today, I still say that this burnout was one of the best things that happened in my life. I know it sounds crazy. But for me, it was a huge wake-up call. It was the experience that shook me, woke me up, and redirected me to a completely different phase of my life.

I reconnected with myself, I started to appreciate myself more, to celebrate my successes, to feel gratitude. I got closer to my dear ones and improved many relationships. 

I opened up to my mission. To live a life I love, feeling energy, feeling fulfilled, more relaxed and accomplished. Forever grateful.